For CM & EJE who are dealing with their own breakdowns at the moment. I promise you, it passes.
Thursday was a bad day. I was on about Day 3 of a slump, I was super tired and I sent my best friend a 7 minute video on Whatsapp of me talking about The Breakdown and how it was getting the better of me.
The Breakdown happens every few months and they can last anywhere from a day to ten days. I’ve never found one to be triggered by anything but they seem to impact all areas of your life. Usually, they present themselves in a lack of motivation, an exhaustion and a bad mood. It’s completely normal and everyone has them but I always feel like I’ve failed when I reach The Breakdown.
Yesterday, I tried to write about it but the words wouldn’t come. I was focusing too much on making it inspirational and something to learn from rather than something that was reflective of how I was feeling and what I wanted to say. And then the bestie said; “Don’t write something pretty. Write something brutally honest and from your heart because that’s what people want to read.” And she’s right, that’s what will actually help me and others. Straight honesty, nothing fruity.
So let me explain how The Breakdown looked this time round; I didn’t want to train, I didn’t want to cook healthy food, I didn’t want to reply to messages. I wanted to eat gluten free brownies and have a hot shower and go to sleep at 6pm and wake up at midday. I wasn’t interested in my 16 Week Challenge and I would have demolished a bowl of cheesy pasta if you’d put one in front of me. I have just started working again after not really having a proper job for almost 2 years; it’s labour intense and I was tired.
However, something held me back from hitting the self sabotage switch. And this is new for me. Previously, I’d have gone full foodie blowout, sessions of self loathing and no activity. But New Laura had this partly under control. Something in my brain kept reminding me that my goals do matter long term, even if not today.
Then, and The Universe nailed the timing on this one, I got sent a video from another bestie who was at Celebration in Las Vegas. The video was a part in the event where those who have reached 100lbs of weight loss are celebrated on stage. And I sobbed. Really sobbed, harder than I have in a long time. Which made me realise just how much I can’t wait to be up there. Celebrating myself, and others on the same journey, for our amazing achievements in transforming our health.
And those two things were all I needed to stay focused on where I want to be. So instead of self sabotaging; I tried to write a blog, I had a superfood smoothie and I made a Vision Board. Things that are tiny detours off the path of my goal but still run in parallel. Not like the hard U-Turn I had in mind.
The thing is about The Breakdown, is that whenever I have been in one, it’s always led me into A Breakthrough. Always. Yesterday was the peak of The Breakdown. Today, I found out I’ve lost another 1.7kg, I secured my own place to live and I trained upper body at the gym, followed by 45 minutes of intense boxing.
The Breakdown comes first. Trust in it, talk to your people but don’t let it eat you up. Because The Breakthrough is coming.
An arrow cannot be propelled forward without first being dragged back. When life is dragging you back with difficulties, just know that you’re getting ready to launch into something magical.